o1. be a better person that i love(:
o2. study hard & time management!
o3. clear my alvls with As :D
o4. loved ones healthy&happy
o5. try my best in evthing & leave no regrets.
WANTS.
POLADRIOD CAMERA. puma bag. STAGE apparels. the-kind-i-love SKIRT learn dance & nailart. men cardigan
blue/purple scarf ribbon accessories! leggings/stockings red checkers nike shoe EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF.
i was doing some work till i realise how i spent my june hols. thinking back, im glad tt im able to say tt im okay now. full of regrets as well, perhaps if im abit more stronger... maybe i wld have studied more & had better results & more content in my brain by now.
cant believe that i actually cried myself to slp almost evday. & the worst part is i still cant fall asleep. i slp at 1am, wake up at 4am. tts my sleep for 1 month. bcos im so afraid of being alone, i moved my mattress to slp with my dad instead. everynite, i will toss & turn b4 i could finally settle down just to get a few hours of slp. thoughts will alws run thru my mind, & the more i think, the more i cant forget. sometimes when im rly too tired, i will just slp with subconsciousness, waking up every few mins. its a wonder tt i dun feel tired in the morning. & duno bcos of wadever reasons, i lost my appetite gradually. i dun feel like opening my mouth to eat, maybe only once 1 day when i truly felt hungry. most of the time, when i see food, i just feel like shifting my sight away cos it makes me puke. sometimes i feel tt its a burden to just swallow a fishball like wad my dad ask me to. & tts the reason y i lost 3 kg in less than a month. i changed almost right aft tt, beginning to lose trust. begin to feel afraid of crowd, begin to be afraid of being alone at home. i wld rather spend the whole day out rather than facing the walls at home. its rly scary & i hate the silence. sometimes when i recall things, tears will fill my eyes when im studying, when im on the bus, when im listening to ipod & walking back home. suddenly i feel that life is meaningless and e world stop revolving. i dun get why i tried so hard for & all i get back is betrayals. i believe that things wun have gone so bad if someone did go back on words everynight. the feeling of down evnite, & aft 1 night slp, im able to console myself tt evthing will remain status quo & im quite able to accept it. when everything changed again & i had to adapt to it again. it happened so often tt i didnt noe that my heart is able to hold so many heartbreaks. its rly like breaking into pieces, & putting them all tgt b4 breaking them again. & im sure that person never knew... too engross in other "things" i guess.
but now, i able to walk out of it & say confidently tt im rly alright. though i still dint regain the trust & dissapointment follow every now & then. & things werent the same as they used to be. but im able to forget & try to move ahead. so... though u wun ever see this, i wish u happiness, & hope im being replaced with someone even better.
